GROW
By Don Ronny
This is probably the most potentially helpful post I have made to mASF, yet most people probably will not recognize its usefulness – a lot of the ‘gurus’ I have met do not get this.
Put simply, this post is about growth, development, ability and self-image. Your understanding of how these interrelate will impact your success in life as well as in seduction, but perhaps even more importantly the level of success and happiness you experience internally. If you are not getting good results in seduction, or you are getting good results, but somehow you still tend to feel down, depressed or unsatisfied fairly frequently, it may be that this post can help you. I’m going to deal with these two scenarios in turn.
First, if you are not getting good results in seduction, it may be that you are not ‘broad’ enough. By that I mean that of the 1000s of different meaningful experiences it is possible for someone to have, you have only experienced a narrow range of them. If you were a bit of a loner in school and spent most of your adolescence playing computer games, it may be that you fall into this category. Have you ever – been in a play and performed to 100 people? Been part of a committed team playing a sport? Tried to start a business? Tried to accomplish something and had to face more than 20 people saying no to you before finding someone that said yes and then accomplishing it? Made more than 50 sales at a profit? Sung in a band in front of a crowd of more than 100 people? Been in a physical fight and won it? Trained hard enough to run a sub-50 minute 10k (6 miles)? Moved to a new area where you knew no-one and built a circle of friends? Ridden a motorbike? Dreamed a dream and made it your reality? These are just random examples of the kinds of things that make a broad person. Someone who has lived life and who has lived it enough that he knows that he can deal with pretty much anything life can throw at him.
Becoming more experienced at life, its challenges and the rich experiences it has to offer gives you many things, but one thing it gives you above all is confidence. Confidence means the safe, happy feeling that you can cope with something. You can be confident when you play Doom, but be unconfident when you have to talk to a crowd. The more situations you master and become competent in, the broader and deeper your confidence becomes. It is no accident that women go for a confident guy. His confidence shows that he has the genetic makeup and the life skills to handle adversity – exactly what she would want any of her children to have. But confidence is more important than that – it means you can go through all of life with the same safe happy feeling you get when you play doom. How do you get this feeling of confidence? By doing things that you are not confident at now. By doing things you are afraid of. By doing things you don’t know anything about. By actively seeking out new experiences and consciously choosing to cover the broad spectrum of human experience with your choices. It’s called adventure.
The second category of people are those who are getting good results at seduction, yet still tend to feel down or depressed or who feel like there’s still something missing or who aren’t getting the satisfaction from their success they thought they would. These are almost all people who came from the first category – they weren’t getting good results in seduction, partly through lack of confidence due to narrow experience, and then they discovered mASF and learned how to be successful with women.
I think there’s two reasons for the continued absence of satisfaction or happiness despite the good seduction results.
First, if someone has worked on their seduction skills and become confident approaching and seducing women, that is great. They have grown in life experience and have reaped the reward of increased confidence and success with women. However, the overwhelming majority of ASF techniques work because they communicate confidence – not just confidence with women, but confidence with life as a whole – because women want a guy who is confident and experienced across the board, not just in dealing with women. Now on some level, we all know that, and to the extent that we are only confident with women and not in other life situations, we are a fraud, and we know that. It’s hard to be happy, confident, relaxed and satisfied when you know that the results you are getting are based on fraudulent representation of your true value. If you find you can get a woman into bed, but then even if you like her, she seems to drift away, it’s probably because you fooled her long enough that you were high value, but then she realized that you weren’t. You sold her on something you don’t really have. If you are doing this, then on some level you know you are doing it, and this will make you unhappy. If your relationships with girls don’t seem to work out, your friendships with guys don’t seem to work out, and you don’t feel like you’re enjoying life that much, your problem isn’t that you need more seduction skills – you don’t need to be able to better persuade girls that you have something you don’t. What you need is to go out and grab the experiences that will make you a more confident, rounded person.
Second, I think there is a pitfall in self-development that several people fall into. If you’re going to get good at seduction, in fact if you’re going to get good at anything in life, you need to understand, even if only intuitively, the principles of self-development. This explains why Anthony Robbins is so popular among ASF people, especially those who are successful. One great tenet of self-development is that it’s important to overcome boundaries – to dream outside your comfort zone, to believe that you can be more than you are right now, so that you take the actions necessary to grow yourself. Such a process is crucial if you are going to ‘broaden’ yourself and throw yourself into situations where you do not yet feel confident. However, there is a belief that lots of people espouse that I think is hurting not helping.
There is a common belief, born of the Robbins movement, that can be summarized in this way: ‘we are all infinitely malleable.’ Certainly, it’s easy to see why this is more conducive to self-development than its polar opposite ‘We are all completely fixed as we are now.’ To the extent that it frees up people to dream of possibilities, to explore their potential, to try new things, it is great. However, it can also have a pernicious effect. Its implication is that if we don’t like something about ourselves, we can just change it. It may take hard work, but we can do it – after all, ‘We are all infinitely malleable’.
The problem is that this just isn’t true. For example, let’s say you’re fascinated by computers and science fiction. If you tell girls about it, is it likely to further your chances of getting laid? No. Fine – just ‘unprogram’ yourself from liking that and learn to like hip-hop instead. Now I’m cooler and I’m more likely to get laid. Great! Except that there’s still someone on the inside of you who loves computers and science fiction and thinks hip hop sucks. That person didn’t go away, he’s still in there feeling miserable because he’s not getting to do the things he loves and he feels like he has to hide away. Meantime the external hip-hop loving cool dude is getting laid with a fury. But somehow he feels like it’s someone else getting laid not him. He can’t quite feel the satisfaction of it – he’s not quite getting the juice from it, even though he appreciates the adulation and respect he’s getting from his peers about how he’s totally a babe-magnet.
So what’s the answer? Go back to the computers and science fiction and stop getting laid? Continue to be the miserable hip-hop loving cool dude? No. There is a better way. If you can embrace everything you are and find ways to be successful that fit your definition of success (including getting laid) but which also allow you to fully express who you really are, then you will be happy and validated on the inside, and your increased confidence and centeredness will bring you the success you want with women. No longer as a fraud trying to project confidence, but a fully rounded, expressed, successful person gaining the success with women that is the rightful reward of someone with that amount of value. I think one of the first steps needs to be to let go of the belief that ‘We are all infinitely malleable’ and replace it with beliefs that better fit the territory, such as ‘You never know your potential until you throw yourself at something whole-heartedly’ but also ‘There are certain parts of me that are just who I am – I embrace myself and find ways to incorporate those parts into a joyful whole’.
To take our science fiction lover, there’s plenty of ways he could pursue his passion and still be attractive to women. There’s plenty of best-selling science fiction authors and writers of TV series who have coolness, fame and social proof and who are doing what they love. And even if you’re just pursuing the dream, women are more much likely to be attracted to a guy who is chasing his dream than someone who is borrowing a dream to try to be attractive – girls have a great nose for a fake. And maybe you won’t find much in common with that cool hip-hop chick – but then, as well as her maybe screening you out, you’re almost certaintly going to want to screen her out because you’re going to find her boring. You’re much more likely to have a connection with a hot but geeky chick at a science fiction convention – but you’ll only end up at the right places to meet girls right for you once you get to know and accept who you really are.
In summary, seduction skills are great, but they should be tools you use to promote an awesome, authentic you – not a shield that you can hide your true self behind.
